Real Peace

 

                                       Antigua, Guatemala      Semana Santa              

I love my church.  I love it so much that I haven't been to it for a few years.  I didn't like the rector, or some of it's more pious members or the new construction or the lack of parking spaces or the whatever.  But, it's a new year, a new rector, and a new me, so I went to church today.  It was so nice to be back.  I was really looking forward to the peaceful reverence my church holds for me whenever I enter it's old familiar doors.  I love the quiet peace that will always follow.  

This being the new rector's first Sunday to spread the word, the eager parishioners  held a reception for him between services.  Not being a mingler at all, I immediately found an old friend in the kitchen and  went to talk to her.  I had planned on meeting the rector through his sermons.  As I was standing there catching up, I got a chill .  A real chill.  And, I couldn't concentrate.  Then I saw him.  The him I had made the wreath for last year.  The him who safely lived eight hours away.  So much for the peace and reverence the new me was hoping for.  The kitchen was small and we were the only three people in it.  The Big Chill walked right past me  and stood at the end of the kitchen with his back to me.  He hesitated.  He hesitated for too long.  He was waiting for me to call his name.  He was waiting for me to come to him.  With his name on my lips, I took a deep breath and said to myself  No need.  There was too much between us, but really not enough.

The new me.  I like her.  I like her  a lot.  And the blessed peace and reverence that she's finding.