And Snicker He Did

Yep. The good old Wound Vac. I had been staying home most of the time, because I was so uncomfortable going anywhere with the ominous black bag strapped to me.. People might think I had something wrong with me. My doctors had gotten concerned; there was mention of going to MD Anderson for a bone marrow something or other and on and on. So, I decided to love my new friend, the Wound Vac, for better or for worse, because it was going to heal me. I decided to wear it PROUDLY. We went everywhere together that day.

While I was at Home Depot, I became aware of a man who kept staring at me. At first I thought, Hmmmmmm. He must be interested in me, but his face really doesn't look like that. It's sort of a disgusting look on he has on his face. But why???? And then it hit me. He must be one of those uncaring people who can't take a little diversity, or can't understand that people sometimes have physical problems. I decided I wasn't going to stand for that worse-than-pity look. I stared right into his eyes and never looked away. I was going to show him that I was so PROUD of me and my black bag. And, show him I did! I was so pumped and confident that I went everywhere. I bravely ran errands all over town.

When I got home, I started making my little stationery things and I looked down. Oh...Oh Nooooo! Noooooooooooooo! I had been in a hurry when I left to venture out and ran into the bathroom, to go really fast. In my haste, I had zipped up the lovely tube, buttoned my jeans, washed my hands and ran out the door. So, YES. The man at Home Depot did have what I thought was a disgusting look on his face.

Graduation Day

Hi! I'm back.

Today was my 6oth visit to the chamber, and hopefully my last. A friend told me to write about everything I learned from my experience. She had no idea I had already found a tiny little spot in cyperspace.....

Where to begin?? Let me see. I celebrated Christmas, New Year's, Valentine's Day and St. Patrick's Day with my chamber friends. I watched 57 movies and the wonderful mini-series, the Thornbirds, while I was in the chamber, the best movie being The Rabbit Proof Fence. I received dating advice that was most helpful from the cute, funny, sweet, young guy who locked that air tight door every day. I became the chamber cheerleader and showed the new divers that they COULD INDEED get in that skinny, claustrophobic tube again and and again by praying, thinking of wonderful things they would rather be doing, sleeping, trying to remember words to old songs, or whatever they could think of that was happy and positive.

What did I learn? Well, I learned to appreciate (more than ever) getting to wear deodorant and lotion and hair products again after 3 1/2 months. But, my most valuable lesson was learning to be grateful for my health, such as it is. Most patients came by ambulance from the hospital, with all kinds of ports and iv tubes connected to them everywhere. Some were too sick to come back for more than just a few times. Some had fresh amputations and were in terrible mental and physical pain, while others had to pay for every costly treatment themselves, because their insurance companies wouldn't pay. I also learned patience and acceptance in a big way.

The million dollar question???? No, my leg has still not healed. It is much, much better, though. Yesterday I started a new treatment - the Hoover. It's actually a wound vac that creates negative pressure and causes the cells to stretch and the tissue to grow super fast. It has a tube and a machine in a lovely bag and I get to wear it 24/7 for what they said would be 2-3 MONTHS. I think it'll be more like 2-3 weeks. It also makes rather gross sounds, but I'm "free to go anywhere I want".

Oh and the picture of the Snickers?? Simply a gift to myself for this very special day and what people will do when they hear my new machine. Oh well!!

Folsom Prison Blues

2009 gently faded away. It was way past time.

It wasn't my best year, and it didn't deserve to go out with a bang. So, Katie and Robert came over to help me get rid of it. A funny meal - artichokes, meatballs, boursin cheese and of course, the very-southern-favorite and super-good-luck-charm black-eyed peas. And champagne. We simply sat around my kitchen island and talked and laughed. Sweet and comfortable.

We offered our goals for this big new year, 2010. When Robert asked me what my goals were, I just laughed. They were not life changing, not even close. I'm not sure they were even goals! But, here they are in their order of importance:

Learn to tie a tie on a man.

Open a bottle of champagne all by myself.

And, last but not least, belt out a great karaoke song in front of friends.

Not lofty, not even challenging, but very doable. Robert taught me how to tie the tie, but I tied it on a woman, hence Katie's pink tie in the picture. He also showed me how to open the champagne and I did that in a BIG way and toasted among friends. He also gave me some much needed karaoke-ing advice. Pick an obscure song. (And it is.) Learn the words. Practice.

So, there you go. Now I can breeze right through 2010 with ease. Nothing hanging over my head. Nothing to feel badly about if I don't achieve it. A year with NO expectations. How great is that? Not a goal, not a resolution in sight.

Instead, 2010 holds an IS and a WILL for me. It is the year I will start my own business.

Feliz Navidad

I believe displaced homemaker is the official term, but it usually means that you get to spend part of the holidays alone.

Because my son was with his dad and I wasn't in the rotation with my daughter and son-in-law, Christmas day was all mine. My friend, who is a third time widow, and I decided to tackle the day together. First on the list was church.

Beautiful. Simple. Peaceful. There were no ushers, no acolytes, no choir, no passed offering, no gigantic flower arrangements. Just the rector and a handful of people who wanted to share the realness of the day. Hark the Herald Angels Sing started the service. A great start to the day. He ended the service with Feliz Navidad, which made me smile BIG.

Then we decided to go to the cemetery to visit all of my friend's deceased husbands. They were buried in the same cemetery, but in different places. We straightened the wreaths she had hung on their grave stones and she told me stories about each one of them while we straightened. Strength is the word that comes to mind.

At this point, we're hungry and we tried to forage for Christmas lunch in a town where IHOP is the only place that's open. The line there was around the building and it was about 30 degrees outside. So, no. My friend, being a very clever survivor, says The hospital. It has to be open. We sacheted into the cafeteria in our Christmas finest and had a very styrofoam lunch. But it filled us up with kind-of-gummy food and lots and lots of laughs.

The next stop was the movie. Of course she, being a very savy southern woman, took her silver flask filled with bourbon into the theater and had some Christmas cheer during the movie. The movie was It's Complicated. So funny. But VERY close to home.

That was it. And the day was finally over. Spent with an incredible woman of immeasurable strength. Merry Christmas y Feliz Navidad!

Coulda Shoulda Woulda

Debi thought my comment on her post was funny, so she changed that post and wrote a new one, linking me again. So......

When I finished my dive in the chamber yesterday, I grabbed my wadded up clothes and was going to the bathroom to change. I had my hand on the door handle when the guy said Hey you dropped something. I was so hoping it would be a sock. But no, of course it was my underwear. A little pair of purple lace panties. Right there, in the middle of the floor, in a room filled only with men. I thought I was going to die right there on the spot.

There were so many things I coulda shoulda woulda done.

My eighty-four year old, really-still-hot friend woulda smiled and said, ever so sweetly, Hell fire, Daaaaarlin'! Those aren't mine. I only wear thongs.

I shoulda said something funny like Liar, liar pants on fire! Or I coulda sung that old song that goes something like... I see London; I see France. I see someone's underpants.

I wish I woulda slung them around my head a few times and shot them in the air.

Instead, I said nothing. Nothing at all.

My eyes got huge, my mouth was open wide, but nothing came out. I just slinked over there and picked them up, with the whole room watching. I was just grateful that they weren't big old granny panties.

When I was leaving, I heard him yell out Mrs. L, have a grreeeeaaaaat weekend!

Colorful Mess

Aghhh! Mi Corizon is a mess today. Playing with

color and not enough time to finish...

That's actually a pretty accurate description of me today, as well.

Milagro

Yes, today was see the doctor day. And I did. And my leg has healed 2 cm in one week. And I couldn't believe it. And the word miraculous was used. And I wasn't the one who used it.