Movin' On

Yes, it's almost fall again.  It seems to come at the same time every year.  I'm standing on my front porch, hanging the wreaths I just made on my front doors.  I have my Ipod in and I'm listening to Ann Sweeten's lovely, New Age harp music and it all feels so familiar.  Then my mind wanders down a path, an old path, and I remember last year.  At this exact same time of the year, I was in love.  Madly in love.  I had made a wreath for his door; he lived in a very cool barn and I was driving down the highway,  listening to this same lusty, ethereal harp music. To see him.  To deliver the wreath and to see him for what I knew would be  the last time.

The song changes to the something by the Rolling Stones and I snap out of the past, with a smile on my face.  There's a gentle breeze that blows across my face, reminding me that I'm movin' on.

How Do You Spell Relief?

With a chilled bottle of wine, Chinese take-out and a hot bath...

It's my annual "well woman's" check-up and I'm all all stirruped up when I see the look on the doctor's face and she says Do you feel that? as she's doing the breast exam.  No.  No. Noooooo!!!  I don't feel it; I just feel my rib.  I'm single and trying to date and I'm thinking I can handle the bald look, but no boobs???  Last year I had a biopsy on the other breast and everything was fine.  This has to be fine, too!  Can't I wait just 4 weeks, it's only 30 days, until my annual mammogram??  The radiologist who reads the mammograms then calls and tells me I should come and have an ultrasound now.  Now??  Right now?  This very minute?  The thoughts going through my mind are way too scary to really even be thinking about.  We did the sonogram and after some tears - it's decided that I get to keep my hair AND my breast.  There  is a little lump, but nothing to worry about.  It doesn't get any better than that.  Really.  

So, I celebrate and embrace my good fortune with a glass of wine, a generous helping of Kung Pao chicken and a nice, hot, lavender- filled bath!  And my fortune in those little crunchy, flavorless cookies reads Good health will be yours for a long time.

A Future of Firsts

I just had my first party in my first house that I really own.  It was the first party I've ever given where I didn't really know any of the guests and the first time that some of the food didn't really turn out right. (Thank goodness for Sangria!)  It was a lingerie shower for a good friend who is getting married for the first time. And it was her first party she's had since she was twelve.  So this was a FIRST of many more FIRSTS to come!

A Year of Buts

But I can't be getting a D.I.V.O.R.C.E.  I married him for better AND FOR WORSE...I can't do it!  Yes, you can.  Yes, you can do it.  And you will do it, my soon to be ex-mother in law said.  You are the strongest person I know.

Not only did I get a divorce that year,  BUT I also buried my dad, moved into a "crap" house and  completely remodeled it,  sent my son off to college and put my daughter on a plane to Santiago, Chile, so she could start her new life.  Lost, scared,overwhelmed, alone just about covered it.  Strong???  No way. 
 Yes, way.  I did it.  I did it all.  All by myself.  I started over.  Really over.  I found myself all by myself.  My house is now a reflection of my true self.  I'm still here and I'm still happy.